15 Things that will piss off a Bulgarian Woman

i-can-t-keep-calm-i-m-from-the-balkans

  1. Sandals and socks

Same applies to flip-flops and socks, open women’s shoes and socks short pants or skirts with socks to the calves. One rule: Boys and girls, keep your socks covered toes, heels and ankles hidden, and all will be well…

 

  1. The line: “I can do ‘…’ better because I am a man”

That may still apply to nose picking, being able to piss standing, and questionably to hand jobs and growing a beard, but with that said, the list is over.

 

  1. The line: “It’s not like how my mom makes it”

Of course it’s not… Thank God you avoid repeating that in bed!

 

  1. Lines like: “Did it hurt?”, “Do you like it?” and “How was it”

It’s called Asking Answers. Let’s be realistic, you don’t really expect to hear “Baby, you were the best I’ve ever had!”, do you?…Or the conversation might turn into a soap opera dialog.

 

 

  1. Tight mini monokini/thong/mankini on a guy

Let’s be honest, man’s bottom it not meant to swallow stuff. Period.

 

  1. Armpits body hair

Like the Rapunzel story, but involves unpleasant body odour.

 

  1. The fact that chivalry is dead

It’s one of the first signs of the huge Gay disease, which is also contagious, so any type of good manners should be strictly avoided.

 

  1. “Missionary”

The wise Greeks said that women are meant for bearing children, and men – for bringing pleasure. Anyways, between the lines they meant sex is supposed to be fun – for Bulgarian James Bonds that seems to be mission-ary impossible.

 

  1. Discrimination at the work place

Co-relates with point 2; One big difference – it’s annoying, yet justiciable – can make a lot of women rich.

 

  1. Gay phobia

The main gay male activity is to spread that highly contagious gayness amongst defenseless straight Bulgarian men. N.B. Lesbians are hot.

 

  1. Metro sexuality

Apparently used as a camouflage against the vicious gay attacks described in point 10.

 

  1. Loud and intentional farting or burping

Followed by proud laughter, self-indulgence and of course, no apology.

 

  1. Sports-talk obsession

All Bulgarians have wide areas of expertise, and whatever they cannot do, they are at least competent to talk about and advise on. Sports and especially football, is one of them. Other sports like curling, baseball, shooting a bow, cricket and anything else, fall in the same group.

 

  1. Obese people

It is very simple – if I can weight 130lb. you can do it too. Just don’t eat me for saying that…

 

  1. Complaining people

Another local phenomenon – Bulgarians have a special “difficulty measurement” scale: Based on the amount of offensive words said against somebody’s mother, sister, aunt or female pet (note: none of these can be replaced with male relatives), you can actually get a very accurate understanding of the amount of efforts certain task requires. 

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